I still remember my first journey alone. It was from the local bus station five stops away from my home. My dad picked me from school and somehow decided that I should take a bus home. He literally threw me on bus. I desperately said I can’t do it. (That was an era in which ten year olds didn’t carry mobile phones.) He assured me that it was a direct bus and all I had to do was get down at the right stop.
I was not convinced. But, I didn’t have an option. I am not the kind of girl who cries in front of people. I was not ready to lose my brave face. I preferred getting lost over confessing to dad that I was afraid. So I climbed the bus took ticket and felt “lost”. I was so sure that I wouldn’t reach home that evening. But, surprising myself I got down at the right stop. Walked briskly home feeling as if I won an award for bravery :P.
(In a world in which it is hard to get lost physically I am definitely lost mentally. Maybe, I was concentrating way too much time on not getting physically lost that now I am lost inside myself! Is it just me? Anyways so where was I? Yea, the bus. )
I feel like I am in that bus all over again, I have no idea if I will get down at the right stop. This time to make it worse I am not even sure if it is the right bus. Twelve years back I couldn’t tolerate that lost feeling for a couple of minutes and now I have been feeling that for months. Well the one thing that didn’t change is the way I see it. I am still not ready to lose that brave face ;)! I know I am lost. I know I may end up at the wrong place and will have to walk all the way back. As much I hate this uncertainty, I love the challenges it make me accept. I can’t wait for the day I will briskly open that door of my home feeling proud. I know it is around the corner, may be this time I have to wait longer. (Being optimistic is part of the game 😉 )
By the way if you are interested in hiring me, let me know. 😛