Soon to be bride

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Which girl would have not dreamt of ‘the day’ of her life? The day when she will get to dress up like the princess, the last scene which will say ‘And they lived happily ever after’.

Below is the list of things I wish I knew before becoming the ‘soon to be bride’. I honestly didn’t enjoy most of my wedding. All I can remember is chaos, my close set of friends and family were standing beside to support throughout the rituals and ceremonies. It was a 3 day wedding, I didn’t expect it to be any easier.

  1. Writing check-list and following one.

I have never wrote a real check-list before. In the past few months all I have been doing is ticking the check-list

  1. Difference between smoothening/relaxation/ straightening/ironing of hair
  2. Wearing good hair accessories

You don’t want to use that old hair band or that hair pin which will break your hair. If your hair is good, you look good. Take some time, cover it up when you cross that dusty road, avoid that bike ride, let the hair shine.

  1. Growing nails big enough to do nail art (oh yea! My nail breaks fast and grows slow)
  2. Knowing the color which doesn’t suit you (I had to discover that on the day of shopping! Yellow doesn’t suit me.)
  3. Managing work, walk and talk.

So this is going to be critical, you are going to be working less for few weeks as you are thinking about how you should be wearing kajal on the wedding eve. It’s okay, don’t feel bad, learn to enjoy the distraction.

Walk more as you will be eating out every weekend. You can’t book ola or uber for a distance half km. After going to that shop which is half km away, you will realize that you should have walked in the opposite direction. Breath, drink some water and walk back.

Talk, talk, talk. Endless discussions, pointless conversations. Juggle around, disconnect that office bridge call to say ‘whatsup’ to your sweet heart!  Well, that’s the only good part of the wedding ‘the groom’.

  1. Learn to sleep on time, when you finally like the dream you are dreaming with your eyes open
  2. Go easy on that steps as you don’t want a broken toe (I didn’t have a nail for my engagement)
  3. Build a team, who will be the backbone for the wedding

Weddings are big affairs, weddings with 1000 people on guest lists are huge. You are going to stand and smile on 1000 people, you are going to be a bridezilla. Call your favorite cousins and friends, let them know that you are stressed out and you are going to be worse for the wedding. 😉

  1. Learn to pack and tag everything you need.

It helps, when you have to change 8 sarees in 3 days with half the cousins of groom watching. Oh yea! Its tradition too.

It will all be worth at the end, you will have some funny moments and funnier ones when you get to see the wedding pictures and videos.





Arranged marriage – chapter 1

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How does an Indian arranged marriage happen?

Once the girl/guy agrees for the wedding, the horoscope is sent to the astrologer. Astrologer confirms if the time is good for the girl/guy to get married based on the time she/he was born. If the stars are at the right place, the horoscope gets into the marriage market along with the bio-data of the candidates. A usual bio-data includes height, weight, hobby, blood group.

Initially, the profiles are kept away from matrimonial sites. Aunties and uncles do the networking and push the profiles forward.” My cousin’s daughter who is working in Bangalore is looking for a groom” they will tell in poojas and family occasions.Phone numbers of the parents are exchanged. Once an eligible candidate from the similar background is  traced, horoscopes are exchanged. This continues for few days for some, for years for others. My horoscope stayed in marriage market only for a week or two.

That’s how P (my husband, what a heavy word!) came into my life. What a boring start!? Well, it was not too bad to be honest. P and me grew up few streets away from each other and yet we managed not to meet for more than two decades. My dad knew his dad, my mom knew his mom, my bro in law knew him and his bro, well in short they all knew each other.  I wanted to know him for an year before getting married (also due to multiple other constraints ), i knew him for 365 days before vowing to become his other half .

We were given the privilege of 3 months time to decide on whether we are good enough for each other. That is comparatively a non-orthodox way of arranged marriage. Some people are given few minutes to decide, some people are given an year to decide, time frame differs with community and the mind set of the elder generation. Irrespective of the time frame, the process remains the same. Once the girl and guy agrees, things get out of their hand. Parents, uncles and aunties communicate on when, where and how the wedding blast should happen.

In my story, multiple visa (family settled across the world) issues decided the date. Date and convenience decided the venue and we had a traditional Iyer wedding since we were from the same community.

The idea of quitting first job

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The idea of quitting your first job without a real back-up

Okay, the title says it all. I’m thinking of quitting my ‘not-so-bad’ job, which pays enough too!

On any topic the thinking part happens from two perspectives, the positive mind and the negative one, the optimist and the pessimist. Let’s call the optimist Oprah and pessimist Pisa 😉

Oprah: you never really enjoyed the work, may be this will lead you to what is actually meant for you.

Pisa: But, what if this leads nowhere,. What if the next pay-cheque is the last one?

Oprah: Chill, don’t exaggerate; I’m in a better state than where I was. I am progressing, that’s all that matters.

Pisa: Confidence is good but, the above thought is definitely over-confidence. Why quit the hard earned job for personal life, career matters and you know that too.

Oprah: Career matters, it will start again afresh. I can find the same job anytime but, what if there is a better one out there for me, which will comprehend the personal life.

To add oil on fire, Pisa will remind you of the dark days after college when you had to attend interviews every other week. Oprah will say, “With no experience you joined one of the finest firms in India.”

On and on, this goes. Swinging back and forth. Sometimes the optimist wins and sometimes the pessimist, it’s tiring to think so much. And people say ‘do what you want to do’. Well wish I knew what I wanted. 😛

I never knew and I never will know and I’m okay not knowing.

Goes on and on…

So I decided to stop listening to either of them and start going to gym.

Then bam, I fell and sprained by feet. Doctor said “Don’t strain your foot until it is completely healed”.

Now I am planning to read, let me see how oprah/pisa is going to stop me from doing that. Yea!

Signs of growing up..

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  1. “Change” is the only permanent thing. I left the place which I called home, 2 years back. From that moment to this, there has been many life changing moments which I simply accepted as random events.
    I know that the girl in me wouldn’t have took it that lightly. The girl, would have acknowledged it as a life changing moment, took some snapshots in mind to remember it in future. Probably would have wrote a journal or blogpost too.
  2. Friends ~ there are many kinds
    ->     There are very old friends who has been there since school pinafore days. We get busy, we catch up when time permits, we share life events, we put comments in each other’s facebook status. Well, that’s pretty much it, the ‘well wisher’ friends.
    ->     Another kind is ‘call at 2am’ friends. They wouldn’t know if I have a bad day. But, they would know if I feel bad. I can wake them up at 2 am in the morning and say “are you sleeping?”
    ->     And yes the famous ‘hi-bye’ friends. We hangout, we party, we go for movies together, we talk nonsense and the stories about the ex,crush. Once the party ends, its pretty much like we didn’t even meet them.
    All 3 kinds are equally important I must say. Just that, the girl in me used to think that only the ‘call at 2am’ friends are important. On a bad day, ‘hi-bye’ could be the saviour.
  3. There is always a choice. The girl, used to think grown ups doesn’t have choice. Grown ups has to work from 9 to 9, miss some very important events, lose touch with some very important people they don’t have a choice is how it sounds. But, now I know there is always a choice. You can choose not to grow up or not to own responsibilities. You can literally pick-up the list and tick on the names of people from the past whom you want to be there in future.
  4. Another generation will ask you to change channel when you listen to ‘A R Rahman’ songs from 2000’s. They will claim that the songs are too old for them and you will realise they are right!
  5. You can’t plan anything in life. The kind of education we had gives an impression that,  in five years you go to upper primary,then high school, then college so on. In reality, there is no order or plan. In five years, you may be living in an alien city, doing a job you didn’t even know which existed.

Little Fingers

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Well, it has become a tradition now. Writing a post a year 😉 !

I haven’t been writing much in the last two years since my life is exactly same as the life of the one who lives next door. X,Y,Z in the IT world, living in some random PG, where some Andra aunty cooks twice a day. Weekends are about visiting family, old friends in the nearby cities. While weekdays are about waking up before the flask in which tea is served goes empty. With few seniors to pamper and spoil, learning to swim in the IT world was not really hard. Enough of this XYZ catch up, let me tell you why I logged in now!

I took a week off from office and travelled to hot Chennai to chill out. Everyday morning without fail, little fingers of my niece woke me up. She would say “wake  up, wake up”. Little fingers would try to pull my bedsheet away and if the fingers couldn’t succeed little tooth would give me a bite. She goes to play school where they sit around a table and drink milk or play spot the color game.

Once the little fingers go to school, I have the whole house for myself and I go around my sister’s well organized kitchen wondering, how to feed myself. I can count the number of times I have cooked in my life with one hand. I get this weird chemistry lab feeling whenever I go near the spice jars in kitchen. That being said I don’t have a kitchen in the place I live, well I have a small room which was supposed to be kitchen, and we girls use that space to lock up the shoes and hair oil.

Day one, chopped onions and tomatoes. Tossed them to a pan and made something out of them, it tasted fine. It was good enough for me to have it and I dared to leave a bite for my sister to taste.

Day two was better, I googled egg burji recipe, followed every step with devotion and ta-da, I had a good plate of egg burji on plate which tasted so good that I didn’t want to leave behind anything for the critic.

Day three, the real game day. My sister had to leave little fingers with me and go. I being the aunt was expected to know the basics of Montessori, cooking. I got nervous, washed the rice and kept it on rice cooker. I was confident that rice would turn out fine, as I had done the same earlier this week. Little fingers love vegetables, I had to prepare something from my 3 days experience. I switched on Rhymes channel on TV and googled on how to make beetroot fry. After 20-30 mins of chemistry lab exam, I finally had something on the bowl for the little fingers.

I asked little fingers ‘nanna iruka?’, she replied ‘nanna iruku’. Even if I know that she says ‘nanna iruku’ for any vegetable, I was content. My self-appraisal rating is 4.5/5.0 and I am happy. 🙂

Happily lost

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Living alone in a city lets you discover yourself along with exploring the city. I never knew I could feel this calm in a lonely subway or in a bus stop at 12am in the morning. I had no idea about the love I had for ‘Kerala rice’ until I moved out of Kerala. I never really had Kerala rice back in Kerala and now I know all the restaurants in Electronic city where I get a Malayalee meal.

I am living with pleasant tamil girls and it’s good to get to know their traditional way of life. My tamil definitely improved even if my cousins don’t agree 😉 . Now no one asks me “Neenga Malayaleeya?” when I speak tamil  😀 and that’s the proof I have. Getting to know tamilians also made me realize how “non-tamil” I am. I have nothing to do with Tamil other than the fact that I speak tamil.

Getting lost, missing buses, boarding the wrong bus is part of my life. Once I got down at a railway station around 6am, train left the moment I got out. I realized I was in a wrong station, I wanted to run behind the train the way Kareena did in Jab we met. Instead, I took out the phone and switched on GPS. All I could understand from the map was, I was lost and I was far away from Electronic City. With no other option, I followed the crowd. My brain assumes that Kannada is a mix of tamil and malayalam, I started asking local people where the bus stop is? After 30 mins I found out the bus stop and after another 2 hours of wondering ‘here and there’ I finally reached Ecity exhausted and happy. 😀

Another time I let the bus for which I had reserved my ticket pass right in front of my eyes. I was so lost in thoughts, enjoying the songs from the movie ‘Highway’, that I didn’t even take a second look on the bus. On the next bus I showed my ticket and the conductor said that the bus on which i reserved a seat just left. I was shouting inside my head while, I asked the conductor if there is a seat in that bus. Thankfully, there was  a seat, I took yet another ticket and  scolded myself the way my dad would have did if he had been in the scene :P.

I remember watching the movie ‘The other end of the line’ during college and wondering how wonderful it must be to talk to people from other side of the world as part of your job. I actually thought that it would let us know the world better. Then a few years later “BAM”, I am working in a support project, in the technical support team. All I do all day is talk to people around the globe, about ‘stock market’. I bang my head on Linux servers.

Well, I am definitely lost in every possible way and its fun to be lost.

In short

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Last year was quite an exciting year of my life. I grew up in a way I didn’t expect. Well I don’t even know if that sentence makes any sense.

I finished my degree in may 2013, I was travelling, reading, watching sitcoms and doing random stuff(like learning to swim) till January and in January 2014 my life took a turn. Some people left my life, college became a memory, things I thought mattered didn’t matter much, in short I was jobless and miserable.

By the end of January I had a call letter in hand from a good software company, which I eventually joined and now I am far away, heading farther away from the place I called home for 22 long years.

I got a small tattoo representing freedom on my wrist from the first salary I earned. I learned to enjoy loneliness and live life without expecting from others. I walked alone as much as I could, read whenever I found peace, used phone/laptop only when I had to.

I met some likely minds with whom I spent most of the evenings (at times till 2am). We walked through the campus enjoying the newly found freedom. I cycled around the campus, walked with a huge green umbrella on rainy days. I stayed in class from 8 am to 10 pm at times, I had nothing else to do other than working.

I shared room with a girl from the other side of the country, the kind with whom I had nothing in common. We both were away from ‘home’ for the first time and never really missed home in our cosy room. We talked about the day, we didn’t judge each other, we didn’t fight for the remote of the television, and we lived separate peaceful lives together.

I travelled at least once a month, crossing the bandipur forest. I was fortunate to see a herd of elephants cross the road, which was best moment I have shared with nature. I used to wake up in the bus and find myself in the middle of a forest or in the middle of a highway or in the middle of a small unknown town. I enjoyed every tiring journey to the fullest, even if most of it made me sick.

I enjoyed every weekend I could spare with my little niece, who is now a toddler with 4 new teeth. I had no idea how sweet a baby could be until I met her. She has got big black eyes and a very bright smile. I learned not to carry her around all the time, since she enjoyed crawling around more than being carried around ;).

In short this is all I did last year and I am back :)!